Imagine, my first baby is 7 months old, I am still tackling this whole new mom life, and the daily struggles of postpartum depression. My period is late but it still is not ‘regular’ yet since delivering. No big deal, I have other things to worry about, I will start in the next few days.
While visiting my mom she asked me when we will have another baby. It hit me, I haven’t started my period. I pulled out my phone and looked at my period tracking app and realized I should have started about 4 days ago, at the latest! No, no, I’m just late, this is all part of the postpartum process.
For the rest of the day I couldn’t get the thought of my period being late out of the back of my mind. I KNEW it was nothing but still. We had to make a trip to the store that night so why not just put this to rest and get a test.
Low and behold, it was positive. I am pregnant. Again.
My husband was absolutely thrilled and so excited! and he said to me when he found out we were pregnant with our first he was scared and this time he’s excited. I looked at him and said I feel the opposite.
I was so excited and could not wait to meet our first baby girl. I was literally so happy! Now I want to share the thoughts and feelings I had finding out I was pregnant again because it was drastically different, and I’m sure I am not alone!
- “OH MAN! Here we go!”
- How can I handle 2 children….2 Babies?!?
- How can this second baby even compare to how perfect our first baby is?!
- Will I even be able to have enough love for BOTH babies?!
- I had so much bonding time with just Ellie and I and now this second baby will not get that.
- Will Ellie feel abandoned by me when the next baby arrives?
- How can I survive pregnancy with a mobile baby?!
- I literally hated every single second of breastfeeding but Ellie got my breast milk exclusively for about 3-4 weeks, I don’t even want to try with the second baby but now I feel guilty for depriving the second baby the chance to have the nutrients from my breast milk. I don’t want to feel the pain, the engorgement, the bleeding/raw nipples, cluster feeding, the pressure, the feeling of a food source and nothing more. But I feel like I gave Ellie the chance and offer and what kind of mom would I be if I didn’t allow the same for baby number 2?!
- I do NOT want to stop taking my postpartum medication. Is it safe to take throughout pregnancy?! What if my doctor tells me I need to stop?! What will happen to me???
- How bad is PPD going to hit after this second baby? I know I will have it and it was pretty dang bad with the first pregnancy, will it be worse during the second?!?!
- How will I ever get sleep?! My luck the babies will be on opposite sleep schedules which means mom doesn’t sleep at all at night. “Sleep when the baby sleeps” isn’t going to be an option when you have a second baby in the picture.
- Do I put Ellie in daycare while I am on maternity leave or should I keep her home with me so she can bond with us as well?
These are just some of my early initial thoughts when I found out I was pregnant again so soon. I was absolutely terrified. I know what it takes now to care for a baby and its a lot and now I’m adding another baby?! I’m sure I am not alone in this!