I’ve been getting comments on my blog from people while I am out and about.
“I love your blog posts!”
“I’m so glad you shared this, I was wondering about that!”
Even just the simple…
“You’re doing great!”
These comments are the exact reason I wanted to start this blog! While I was pregnant with Elliana, I was very excited, I had a relatively easy pregnancy, I was more than ready to become a mom. Or so I thought! I was in a stable relationship, I have a stable career, we have a beautiful home with plenty of room to welcome another human into. I never under estimated when people would tell me how hard motherhood was. Sure the lack of sleep, the constant attention/care, the diaper changes, it all was going to be hard but I can handle it. Again, so I thought.
I looked at my maternity leave as a vacation. 12 whole weeks off from work?! No way would I need that much time away from work! Boy was I wrong! I struggled every single day of my maternity leave. Postpartum depression is real!
For a while I had a lot of shame around what I was going through. I would even tell my husband to not bring up the fact that I need to take depression medication. “It’s not their business” I would say.
I really needed someone to share more of their experiences during the 4th trimester. I wanted more people to talk to me about what its really like, not just what people are supposed to tell you its like. I also wanted those people to be new moms as well, not someone who’s kids are now my age. Sure they went through it all but it was so long ago. I needed someone to share everything with that was also going through new motherhood as well.
That’s when it hit me, I should be that person. I needed ‘that’ person, I can’t be the only one needing ‘that’ person. So I told myself to pt my shame and pride aside, stop holding everything in and acting as though I have it all together. Talk about my actual experiences, my actual thoughts, my actual feelings.
I started to feel better the more I opened up about it. Certain topics I would feel embarrassed or ashamed to even say. But the more I opened up to people what I went through the easier it became to be more of an open book. This is me, take me or leave me.
I then decided I should start a blog. Write all my thoughts and feelings down. Let other moms know they are not alone. I made several posts before I ever published anything. I second guessed myself. Do I really want to let the entire world know my personal business? Do I really want everyone to know how much I struggled internally? What would everyone else think? Would they assume my life is easy and I am just doing this for attention?
Then I remembered how badly I needed ‘that’ person. Someone may benefit from hearing what I went through. At the very least this blog could serve as memories for myself with my new baby.
I pushed all my pride and shame aside and posted the blog. I’ve gotten a few new moms who look forward to hearing what I went through and continue to go through! And my mental health has improved so much just from venting through this blog.
This was the reason behind the blog. The 4th trimester is a real experience, good or bad, for new moms. We all should talk more about it!